6 Practical Ways for Parents with Toddlers to Practice Self-Care
6 practical ways for parents with toddlers to practice self-care, from a Somatic Therapist and busy Mom of two
Today I was at a dentist appointment with my 5 year old who was getting treated for cavities. I was so focused on his body language and perceiving his discomfort that it took me quite a bit to realize that I was on the edge of my seat, tense and barely breathing. Luckily I was able to notice and I took a moment for myself (he was doing fine), so I moved my attention to look out the window and notice the leaves moving gently in the breeze. And just like that I naturally took a deeper breath.
It’s hard to focus on ourselves when there’s so much else we are needing to pay attention to
Parents of littles often primarily focus and attend to ‘the others’ in their lives, right? It’s easy to form a habit of neglecting oneself in the process. And it can feel like a giant leap to try and prioritize your own needs and make time for yourself. The days are full to the brim with activity, energy, and little hands with never ending requests. Yet, taking care and tuning into personal needs is necessary for continuing to show up for our children and everything else we care about.
Because I know any parent reading this likely has very little time, I’m going to get right to it. Here are my favorite brief practices for building self-care and self-regulation into your daily hectic parenting life:
Start with your super basic needs: food, water, and bathroom breaks! Notice the automatic response you have to your basic needs. We often put them aside to address something that is more loudly expressed in the moment - like a kid crying for the blue cup and NOT the red cup. Start to invite in more responsiveness to your physiological needs. Maybe you’re thirsty.. instead of putting if off until you finish what you are doing, stop, pause, and get yourself a sip of water. When you need to pee, notice yourself override signals of your full bladder, even notice that way we say “I have to go pee”. Instead, maybe try out “I get to go pee!” and use it as a two minute self care break; take deep breaths as you walk to the bathroom, be aware of the pleasant sensation of satisfying a true need, maybe notice the scent of the soap as you wash your hands.. a brief moment of non-glamourous self-care bliss before the chaos begins again!
Self-talk “This is not an emergency”: When it’s truly not an emergency situation, remind yourself of that.. say it with me, “This is not an emergency, everyone will be okay, I can respond when I’m ready”. What often happens with little ones is the build up of energy around us can lead to feeling totally dysregulated and reactive. When the yelling, tearfulness, tantrums, constant requests, and needs start, we can go straight into emergency panic mode feeling like we have to fix/stop/solve/change whatever is happening. Try to remind yourself that you can have time to assess the situation and respond, including supporting yourself with resources to stay regulated. Allow a moment to take a deep breath, notice your feet on the ground, offer a self-hug.
Get outside or if you can, take a walk in the woods/park: Seriously, do this. Sometimes it’s a huge battle for me to get my little ones out the door but the minute we are all outside and moving, everyone drops into a more relaxed state. Our nervous systems and bodies need outside air and movement. When things feel like they are falling apart indoors or you haven’t gotten a minute to yourself that day, get outside.
Wear something that calms, comforts, energizes, or soothes you: When the day gets going and things are moving fast it can be so difficult to do anything extra. And even in the morning if you’re home is anything like mine, the brief moments I have to get myself ready include tornadoes of movement/noise/mess/unexpected interruptions. But if I can remember to consciously pick something out to wear that day that I adore and find comfort in: a scent I love, a cozy fabric, earrings that make me smile, etc. Then I can remind myself to orient to that item throughout the day and offer myself a moment to connect inward and find comfort in a very accessible-like-it’s-literally-on-me kind of way.
Drop deeper into a moment of self-care that you already do: most of us are still managing to shower, wash hair, put on lotion, or whatever else you find in your daily routine. Find one aspect of the routine and bring in mindfulness to the act itself. If you can give yourself 30 seconds to notice the pleasant sensations, the connection and care, maybe offer an addition of enjoyable music, a soothing scent or a gentle affirmation of self-appreciation, this can take something that is simple and basic, and make it feel sacred and intentional.
Start and maintain one tiny ritual for yourself daily: Similar to the above but in this case not something that is just ordinarily a basic self care. Though this truly can be something that takes a total of 2 minutes. It’s the dedication and respect of maintaining something (ANYTHING) that feels special that sends a loud message that you are important and that you matter.
Hope you can incorporate even just one of these moment to moment tactics of self-love and support. Tiny steps towards any act of self-support go along way. I’m rooting for you!
Interested in learning more?
I am a licensed counselor and somatic therapist in private practice that works with a ton of parents all desiring support for stress management in their daily lives. We focus on tuning into the individual’s unique signs of their nervous system, to help establish more skills and emotional support for bringing in a regular experience of calm, capacity, and flexibility in the daily stressors that come along with raising humans. If you are interested in learning more, check out my practice info here. And as always, if you have any questions, please reach out!